There’s this organization that is giving away tons of money to small business and it just so happens that I very recently became an official small business. Yes, I am an official businessman.
Here’s what I need the help with, if you log into this thing with your facebook (yeah yeah, I know. It’s asking a lot but you can totally delete it when you are done) and search for The Qu and vote for us. We are about 200 votes from winning money and I promise you, (a promise from me is like, really solid you guys, for real) I PROMISE that you will be entertained by the results of us getting 250k in grant money. Yeah, 250k, you guys. That means that we start our original programming in the fall. That means Jesus’ show starts right away. That means my show starts right away. That means our fashion show starts right away. Please please please vote for The Qu. Also, vote for our buddy A/S/L. They are giving away 3 Millions in grants and this is a great time to support your LGBTQI friends without having to dig into your pockets.
Thanks. Your help means the world to us.
OKAY HI IT’S ME AGAIN!
There is something wrong with the search function and The Qu nor A/S/L are coming up but we are both on page 101 under Chicago IL so PUHLEEEEEZE help us win this money and thank you.
Because I’m not interested in reorganizing the Gay Rights Movement around people who have never experienced homophobia.
TRIGGER WARNING—anti-gay/anti-trans* violence, language, and other homophobic/transphobic things
I’m curious…why do you think people who…
I don’t think that, and not that’s what I said. Let me clarify what I mean by “reorganizing the gay rights movement around people who haven’t experienced homophobia.”
Lots of GLBT people identify as queer. Obviously, all of them have experienced homophobia and/or transphobia to some degree at some point in their lives. But not everyone who is queer is GLBT. The Queer Movement is an ever-expanding ill-defined umbrella. Ask around what queer means. Most people will have to pause before they answer. Usually you get an answer like “Anybody who lives outside sexual and/or gender norms is queer.” Queer is the rabbit hole of identity politics. Literally anybody can claim to be queer. Queer is an identity without an essence. So now we have a movement that embraces people who haven’t experienced homophobia and transphobia, and at the same time criticizes gay and lesbian people who have partnered for being “heteronormative.” We get “agender aromantics” saying they want to punch gay men in the face for claiming that they’re oppressed.
That is what I was talking about. Also, thank you for sharing your experiences with homophobic and transphobic violence. I’m sorry you had to go through that.
There are some hella valid points here.
Okay, I know I swore I would steer clear of SJ/queer theory/identity discussions on this new Tumblr but seriously, this shit needs to be said. (Bolding is mine, btw.)
If you are not a member of a certain minority group, then your opinions on said minority group’s major yearly celebration are not wanted. And if you chose to live in an area heavily populated by said minorities, then you can also shut it about how much of an inconvenience their parade is to you.
so this post detailing how parents supposedly interpret psychiatrists regarding their troubled teenagers is going around, and i have some Feelings about it.
because ok, i understand how frustrating it is, especially as a young person, to not have your concerns about your mental health taken seriously (by your parents or anyone else who stands between you and proper treatment, as parents often do when you’re underage). however, i can’t help but wonder - what about the young people who fall on the other side of that?
because i can tell you, as someone who used to be a teenager in the mental health system, sometimes all the diagnoses, all the symptoms that are pathologised and analysed to death, all the erratic behaviour, the sadness and the moodswings, really are just symptoms of being a teenager. especially if you are a teenager who’s picked on in school, a teenager who’s trying to deal with coming out, a teenager who wishes they had some friends they could actually relate to, or countless other things that really suck when you’re a teenager, but are not necessarily symptomatic of or related to an underlying mental illness.
and when those things are seen as symptoms of a diagnosis, and that teenager is referred to psychologists and doctors who don’t even consider the fact that there’s a lot to be said for the simple explanation “being a teenager is hard”, and jump directly to prescribing anti-depressants to a 14-year-old, or decide, along with the kid’s parents, that a “voluntary” stay in a mental hospital is a really good solution to the earth-shattering, totally unprecedented problem that is “14-year-old kid with no friends doesn’t like going to school”… we have a problem.
and yeah, yeah, i’ll spare you my life story beyond copping to the fact that the above are examples from my own adolescence. but i am frequently very frustrated with the way mental health is discussed on tumblr/on the internet, and this kind of thing is only part of the problem.
i am incredibly tired of not being able to talk about my own experiences with mental healthcare/the ~system~ without a) people trying to talk to me about the fucking icarus project and, on the other side, b) people getting defensive and not wanting to hear what i have to say about the fact that maybe i didn’t actually need medication or hospitalisation when i was fourteen and sad because the other kids in school were mean to me and i was figuring out my ~budding queerness~ and it was hard and i was fourteen.
and this isn’t even the worst of what’s happened to me under the guise of psychiatric treatment, nor are my experiences anywhere near as bad as the things i’ve witnessed and the stories i’ve heard from other people, particularly young people, in the system.
but here’s my main point: it took me years to realise that it is actually possible to be sad or unhappy or just plain Not Doing So Well - in the short term or over time - without it being the result of a psychiatric diagnosis or some deep-seated issues or trauma that have to be analysed and medicalised and pathologised. i legitimately did not realise - because no one told me - that it is perfectly fucking normal to be sad when you’re 14 and don’t have any friends, or angry and frustrated and anxious when you’re 16 and on the verge of figuring out that you’re trans. instead i was subjected to extensive tests and visits to more doctors and social workers and specialists than i could name, and while some of that was useful in that it eventually led to the discovery of a learning disability, nothing was done to actually try to help me, because the help i needed wasn’t the help they were interested in giving.
because, as a teenager, i was never listened to when i tried to talk about what was wrong - and moreover, i rarely knew what to say because no one asked the right questions. from the start i was viewed as someone who had Very Serious Problems, and the only person who was never listened to in their endless quest to find the root of these problems was myself. i was expected to never be able to finish high school, i was given several diagnoses, none of which were anywhere near plausible - including a personality disorder which the doctors in question admitted, several years later, they’d more or less just picked at random despite my not fulfilling enough criteria for it, because they had to give me a diagnosis and they couldn’t find one that fit.
so this post is long, and personal, and knowing tumblr i’ll probably be “called out” on my “ableism” or something, but fuck it, man. i’m tired of people acting like there’s no other alternative beyond “just being a brat on purpose” and “has a serious mental illness” when discussing mental health, and young people especially.
reblogging is mine. this is a really important post. re-blogging because there needs to be a way to talk about the essentialist ways in which we collectively think about mental illness & the profitability of pathology & the damage that many of these drugs cause without invalidating what other folks are going through.
It’s a relief to hear other people saying this. So many of us probably never needed all that medication we were force fed during our teenage years.
We tell people they are “strong” when we are uncomfortable with their pain and would prefer that they shut up and not bother us with it. To say “but you are strong” is telling someone “I don’t think you should feel that way,” and it’s not a compliment. I don’t think that strength means being invulnerable, or pretending that you are. The belief that silence and stoicism are inherently good qualities is how you end up dressed up like a bat punching criminals in an alley – it’s not a good road to emotional health.
Be sad. Be angry. Let your heart break – in the diner, on someone’s futon, in the park, on the way to the zoo, at brunch, over drinks, in the therapist’s office, on the bus – Wherever it breaks, let it break all the way open, let it run out and down and spread out in a soggy puddle at your feet. Say, “I’m sorry, I can’t listen to you today, my heart is broken. Will you sit with me a while and I’ll tell you about it?“
Say, “I can’t take care of you today, but you can take care of me, and maybe tomorrow I will take care of you, and we can trade off like that for a while, okay?”
Say, “I love you, and I love that you think I’m strong, but I don’t feel like being strong today. I feel like being angry and crazy and sad. Can we go to the movies or just sit here quietly or take a walk or talk about it or not talk about it?“
Your friends may get scared when you do this. If you, the “strong” one can break, what does that say about them? That’s why they push back at you and try to remind you of your strength, when what you need is for them to stand by you in your pain and weakness. They don’t have to solve that pain, they just have to bear witness to it. Maybe they don’t know how – a lot of people don’t know what to do in the face of other people’s pain. They want to fix everything, and if they can’t fix it they feel inadequate. As the “strong” one you can help them out with this by saying “You don’t have to fix it. You don’t have to do anything. Just be with me, and listen, and love me, and I’ll love you back. That’s all I need – to know that you love me, even when I’m sad and scared and don’t know what to do next.”
This job has allowed me to perfect my skill of Pretending Like I Give A Single Fuck About Whatever It Is You Are Blathering On About You Rich Privileged Jerk, all with a smile on my face. Of course it has also lowered my daily bullshit tolerance significantly too though.
Currently sitting in a sweltering laundromat because my cat is a dickbag who decided to shit and piss all over my bed while I was out of town for 3 days. I swear that little bastard is living on borrowed time right now.
Forks and I make a pretty good road trip team. I don’t stress and freak out when we appear to be lost and she competently navigates unfamiliar territory so that we were never actually lost to begin with. Smooth sailing in the little orange Fit.
I have not had access to cable in a long time and am therefore quite out of the loop w/r/t trashy TV. I just discovered “My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding” while channel surfing in the hotel room. Holy. shit. This is like a car crash. It is so terrible but I cannot look away.