Words Mean Things

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A List of “Men’s Rights” Issues That Feminism Is Already Working On

Feminists do not want you to lose custody of your children. The assumption that women are naturally better caregivers is part of patriarchy.

Feminists do not like commercials in which bumbling dads mess up the laundry and competent wives have to bustle in and fix it. The assumption that women are naturally better housekeepers is part of patriarchy.

Feminists do not want you to have to make alimony payments. Alimony is set up to combat the fact that women have been historically expected to prioritize domestic duties over professional goals, thus minimizing their earning potential if their “traditional” marriages end. The assumption that wives should make babies instead of money is part of patriarchy.

Feminists do not want anyone to get raped in prison. Permissiveness and jokes about prison rape are part of rape culture, which is part of patriarchy.

Feminists do not want anyone to be falsely accused of rape. False rape accusations discredit rape victims, which reinforces rape culture, which is part of patriarchy.

Feminists do not want you to be lonely and we do not hate “nice guys.” The idea that certain people are inherently more valuable than other people because of superficial physical attributes is part of patriarchy.

Feminists do not want you to have to pay for dinner. We want the opportunity to achieve financial success on par with men in any field we choose (and are qualified for), and the fact that we currently don’t is part of patriarchy. The idea that men should coddle and provide for women, and/or purchase their affections in romantic contexts, is condescending and damaging and part of patriarchy.

Feminists do not want you to be maimed or killed in industrial accidents, or toil in coal mines while we do cushy secretarial work and various yarn-themed activities. The fact that women have long been shut out of dangerous industrial jobs (by men, by the way) is part of patriarchy.

Feminists do not want you to commit suicide. Any pressures and expectations that lower the quality of life of either gender are part of patriarchy. The fact that depression is characterized as an effeminate weakness, making men less likely to seek treatment, is part of patriarchy.

Feminists do not want you to be viewed with suspicion when you take your child to the park (men frequently insist that this is a serious issue, so I will take them at their word). The assumption that men are insatiable sexual animals, combined with the idea that it’s unnatural for men to care for children, is part of patriarchy.

Feminists do not want you to be drafted and then die in a war while we stay home and iron stuff. The idea that women are too weak to fight or too delicate to function in a military setting is part of patriarchy.

Feminists do not want women to escape prosecution on legitimate domestic violence charges, nor do we want men to be ridiculed for being raped or abused. The idea that women are naturally gentle and compliant and that victimhood is inherently feminine is part of patriarchy.

Feminists hate patriarchy. We do not hate you.

If you really care about those issues as passionately as you say you do, you should be thanking feminists, because feminism is a social movement actively dedicated to dismantling every single one of them. The fact that you blame feminists—your allies—for problems against which they have been struggling for decades suggests that supporting men isn’t nearly as important to you as resenting women. We care about your problems a lot. Could you try caring about ours?

Autostraddle (via notaprincessdestinedtobeawitch)

Except I do hate you, MRAs. A lot. And you’re not my allies. I don’t care about your upsets. Take a long walk off a short pier, please, all of you.

(via lewbasnight)

"A lot of the time when you tell someone that you’re bisexual, they ask for your credentials. They ask how many men have you dated? How many women have you dated? Which one do you prefer? Which one have you had more sex with? These are incredibly personal questions that you wouldn’t ask a straight or gay person, but bisexuality has “less validity” so we get asked all these stupid, intimate questions. And if you don’t want to answer then someone will make assumptions about you but if you do answer, and the fact is out of the three people you fucked two of them are one gender and one of them is the other then people will decide whether you are gay or straight, they’ll make the decision for you."

Bisexual Credentials-RitchandFamous (via rainbowbreathingbisexual)

Oh, man. While it’s hard to choose between what I’ve come to think of as Bi 20 Questions (you’re not bi without them! Or with them!  Or at all; you’re not bi. Don’t you get it?), I think my favorite is one that isn’t mentioned here. I’ve gotten it in a number of different variations: “But what if you end up with a man, won’t you be straight?” and “But what if you end up with a woman, won’t you be a lesbian?” and, of course, the one get really gets to the heart of it, “But what happens when you settle down with someone and really decide?” (For those of you playing along at home, the correct answer to this line of questioning is, “Were you less [your sexuality] when you were a virgin? What about when you were single? No? You weren’t? Fantastic; shut up.”)

The thing is, I’m always so confused about what the goal is with this shit, and I feel like this question — the “But what happens when you end up with someone for a long time??” question — really gets to the heart of why. Because man oh man, I have been asked this question by straight folk and gay folk, peers and superiors, people I’m dating, even a boss one time, and every last one of them has done it the same way: like they’re the Encyclopedia fucking Brown of my sexuality. Like they’ve just uncovered the fatal flaw in my plan to Dupe Good Citizens Into Believing I Like Fucking Dudes & Ladies. Half the time I expect them to point and yell “Aha!” maybe while jumping out of a bush or something for effect.

Like. What is the theory here, folks who do this? Are you just so uncomfortable with the idea of bisexuality that you have to believe it’s all a scheme? Are you so self-obsessed that the thought of me lying about my sexual orientation for the sole purpose of ~pulling the wool over your eyes~ makes more sense to you than that thought that it’s, I don’t know, actually the way I swing? Are you waiting for me to pull off my mask and  reveal the monosexual person underneath while yelling, “I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for those meddling assholes?” Whatever it is, kindly let it the fuck go, will you? Find some other mystery to chase, because I promise you, The Case of Who I Like to Fuck has been solved for a loooong time. 

(via gyzym)

All of this, yes.

(via jewlesthemagnificent)

Funny, J and I had this exact conversation last night on our walk home.

(via bronxcheer)

I would argue, however, that gay people are in fact asked the same questions, particularly lesbians because women’s sexuality is always up for debate in society. Lesbians are most definitely questioned as to how many women they’ve actually slept with, the insinuation being that maybe they’re not a “real” lesbian. This comes from both outside and inside the LGBT community. And straight people love to insist that maybe “you just haven’t met the right man yet.”

(via bronxcheer)